Show Me Where Your Head at...

Sex comes in many forms. Sensory – when you use touch, smell, taste and even sound to arouse; then there's what we readily think of such as penetration, masturbation and oral. There's no doubt that the majority of us would throw our hands up if asked: "Who in here likes head?" Amirite?! Though that holds truth, our mental and emotional health majorly effects our sexual health. Health coincides with behavior and our behaviors are linked to what we think and believe. We may not always speak our exact thoughts but we inevitably project them. Therefore we have to develop a healthy psychology to have healthy (sexual) habits. Before you just brush it off like you know what's being said already, dig a little deeper. You may have it all together in one area but need an extra push in another, and that's just from a psychological standpoint.

How you think about yourself/image.
A healthy self-image is your epicenter to what you project to the world. It's important to love yourself and care for yourself. There is a catch though, while self-love is encouraged one must be mindful that it doesn't become narcissism and is to the detriment of someone else's mental, or emotional health; self-love should not become reckless harm towards others. Contrarily, being excessively insecure is not fulfilling either. Doing so can lead to letting yourself be used and abused, mistreated just for attention and affection which will cause you to be coerced and not have standards or boundaries. You have to have a balanced and realistic perception of yourself. This is self-awareness. Even if that means knowing that you may need therapy or something more for self-care with mental and emotional health. Having that healthy habit encourages more healthy habits.

How you think about others.
Thinking highly of yourself is one thing but thinking more of yourself than you do others is another. Such that you use people more than you respect and relate to them. Those are very basic things that we tend to reserve for people from whom we expect favors. So what exactly do we reserve for people with whom we chose to share, or do we even think of sex as sharing? Whether it's kissing, touching, oral, or genital contact you can't get anything from someone without giving them your body for the moment. Notice how that statement doesn't specify gender. Yes, have your preferences but check how you've grown to develop them, are you a silent but strong social norm conformer and genuineness is passive or have you already gotten into the process of unlearning problematic thoughts and find that some-maybe most-beauty ideals barely fit what actually turns you on? Life is what you make it and your sex life is not too far behind. Who's in your head while you're bedding someone and sharing your body?

How you think about sex.
Since we're already there, let's not forget to mention that what you think about sex affects how you treat it, as well as the people who participate in it, and inevitably yourself. There's something to be said about if you think premarital sex is wrong but you consistently volunteer for it. No judgment, but what separates your actions from others in this standard. Are you silently judging yourself? It's a deeper issue if you eagerly watch and masturbate to porn but then regret it immediately afterward.  Remember your thoughts about an act shape your view about participating in it. The act of sex can seem nasty based on what you were taught and believe about it.

Sex isn't a conquest and potential partners aren't victims, we've been taught all wrong. The best thing about sex is we can unlearn problematic thinking, re-learn the freedom in it, and get better acquainted with risk reduction.

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