Levels to This: How to Bring Up Health Concerns at Different Stages of Your Relationships/Sex Life.

We tend to have sex lives whether we are single-ish or in an exclusive relationship. Often times, we let that sex life start with "one thing leading to another." Despite how romantic so many believe it to sound, it isn't the most responsible or healthiest. How can you make that transition while still being seductive? You may be at different levels and stages of your own relationship so there will be different ways to open the subject. If you haven't already start here to get some know-how on STIs and getting tested. Then read on to tailor it to your own situation.

If you haven't had sex yet but it's an option. 
While you're cuddled up on the couch or making tacos when there's been a brief lull in the conversation. Gently call their name/love-name and when they respond ask "How often do you think about having sex with me?"  They may pause for a moment before they answer you. Give them the time then listen to their response. As the conversation progresses you can bring up how you too think about sex with them and that you want to handle it responsibly. That before you decide to do it together you want to get tested together. You may have to ask them how they feel about that if they don't do so themselves after a few moments. Just a note that anything can be said after this, so be prepared for a possible rebuttal/rejection, diagnosis, or they may be one step ahead of you and have their most recent results.

If you've been having protected sex and are considering bare backing.
First, the fact that you are actually using condoms shows that you already are responsible. So use that as a push off point: "The condoms we use do you think they provide the most pleasure?" Whether they say "I guess, Idk," or boldly proclaim they want to go raw you can amiably counter it with "Alright, maybe we should start something new. We can try a new brand or style (ribbed/thinner/etc) and in the meantime we can get tested." You can also add how it's extra precaution if this ever becomes an option or determining factor in whether you decided to go bareback. Now you have a tradition.

If you've been having unprotected sex and you want to be sure (maybe it has or hasn't been awhile). 
A situation like this can be best approached in two ways. You open up the conversation with something sexy. "What do you enjoy most about our sex life?" Allow them to respond then you can give them "I like that too," or " The best thing to me is..." then immediately follow it up with " you know what I think would really make the sparks fly? ...That before we try anything new we should find out our statuses." If they agree you make your plans, if they object you know where you stand with this person as far as them respecting their own body and yours. 


You could go get checked by yourself pick up a physical copy of your results. Keep them in a safe place then when you have your bae in a quiet place subtly bring up the topic. You can still be sexy. Once you get to the point where you're asking them about being tested tell them you went on your own, have your results that you want to share, but are only willing to share and have sex again if they do the same thing. This may make them a little paranoid so to quell them let them know that sexual health is (has become more) important to you and these conditions are more so incentives to encourage the both of you to be active in your sexual health. 

Everyone you're currently sexual with deserves this conversation. The connection or terms of the relationship don't have to be that deep. This isn't a deep conversation if you ponder on it. It's just rare but really important. Again, just adjust it to your partners communication habits and where the two of you are on a sexual level. Making it a ritual for yourself that inevitably transfers to your partner(s).

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